August 19, 2014

Fix My Eyes

God my God, I cry out
Your beloved needs you now
God be near, calm my fear
and take my doubt
Your kindness is what pulls me up,
Your love is all that draws me in
I will lift my eyes
to the maker, of the mountains 
I can't climb...



{  Eyes  }
An ongoing theme this past weekend at the Franklin Graham Three Rivers Festival of Hope downtown, my own church service, talking with a long distance sister and Scriptures from this morning's devotions. You think my Father God's trying to get something through His daughter's thick skull?
  • We sang I Will Lift My Eyes in church Sunday.
  • Tenth Avenue North performed their song Worn at the revival festival Friday.
  • My little brother's been singing Fix My Eyes by For King and Country. It's a favorite of his.

I tend to over complicate even the simplest things.
I'm a need to know every detail instantly person even if they don't directly involve/affect me.
I have my own agenda, high ideals and hopes as to what needs to get done,
what each day needs to look like.
It's exhausting, and it burns me out. I mentally pin the blame on circumstances beyond my control--yes, there are those much as I hate them--or others, or busyness, or what have you.
I struggle with relinquishing control, and fixing my eyes on the all-sovereign Lord who is as near as breathing.
I'm more of a Martha than a Mary. 
A control freak worry-wart who's patience is thin with herself and others.
Did I mention that, after ten years of dealing with the diagnosis and subsequent pain/limitations from my hip disability, that living with it still frustrates me to no end?

I will lift my eyes
to the calmer, of the oceans
raging wild
I will lift my eyes
to the healer, of the hurt
I hold inside
I will lift my eyes, lift my eyes to you

The pain is hard. It's not getting better, nor terribly worse. A praise.
I can still do so much. But I have to watch, and measure my energy and my time wisely.
And some days, no matter how tightly I have things in my fists--something comes along to knock me on my behind and send me sprawling. It maybe surprise plans or a need or just a worse than usual pain day for no apparent reason.

I am in desperate need of consistently training my gaze
not on the things of this world.

The money, the job, the family, the chores, my agenda and expectations. All the stuff I load onto my shoulders even though my family is quick to remind me that I don't have to nor is it my place.

What can I say, other than this is where I'm at. I have no sufficient ending to tie everything up all pretty. The writer I am is miffed that I fail at sufficiently ending this post, but He whispers grace over me. He is the ultimate author and finisher of my faith.
I'm a work in progress daughter of the Most-High God. The ultimate pursuer of my heart
Who lifts my head upward to His fully capable hands and ever-sufficient grace.

God my God let mercy sing
her melody over me
God right here all I bring is all of me
Your kindness is what pulls me up,
Your love is all that draws me in.
via Pinterest

I will lift my eyes,
lift my eyes to You

'Cause You are
and You were
and You will be forever
The lover I need to save me
'Cause You fashioned the earth
and hold it together
God so hold me now.