Just Haven't Met You Yet

To my future husband:
It's been three months since I've wrote you. The last time was during a wedding weekend. This doesn't show how little I think or pray for you--I do every day, more than once. I laid awake last night praying for you, for our future--whenever that may begin. I confess to opening my eyes in the darkness of my room and going down the thought-avenue of, How on earth am I supposed to meet The One? What am I to do? How will I know? Where? When? How, Lord, how

To every season there is a purpose under heaven--even the singleness one, as I am learning and genuinely embracing every day. I have moments of wanting to rush God's plan as it involves my love story, but more and more, while the desires lay heavily on my heart, my gracious Lord gives me not only patience but joy in the journey as I abide in Him and the life He's given me now. The gift of singleness, or as one friend and I call it, The Lonely Time.

When we refer to this season as The Lonely Time, it's not to have an "oh poor me" attitude or wander about aimlessly hoping we'll just bump into The One someday and in a serendipitous movie-esque moment, just know he's the one we've been waiting for. I was expressing frustration to a married friend of mine via texts, I knew I was letting my idealist/hopeless romantic side take over, and I couldn't help but ask:
I wish there was just a way to skip past the meet and greet, tentative "getting to know each other" stage and just begin the relationship with, "Oh there you are. I've been waiting for you. Let's figure out life together." 
My married friend astutely replied, If only relationships were that un-complicated. { Thanks for that, Sarah. ;)  }

And it's true. If relationships worked like that--and who knows, perhaps they do for some and that's fantastic--we would have no room to lean even more heavily on the Lord, learn surrender and exercise blind faith. There would be little growth individually and as a couple. Every day of this Lonely Time is meant to draw us closer to God's heart. We never have this time again in our lives where our hearts can solely beat God and I. When that right guy comes along in the Lord's perfect timing, our hearts will have to open and grow some more to become one with that man, in the Lord's will. When we eventually say I do two lives of two sinners become one under God's ordinance and working together to make our love and life work is just that--hard work. It won't just be about me anymore. Then when children--a heritage from the Lord--come along, I'll have the shared responsibility of raising a human being to know and love the Lord and His Word. 

While the next season of life I'll enter into is one I look forward to, it is intimidating. As many questions as I pepper the Lord with about that Someday Soon, I often think on all the little unknowns after the I Do's and I'm going to be honest here--it scares the heck out of me. I quickly clasp my hands, shut my eyes and pray, I'm good with being single. I reeeeaallly am. Just keep having my friends get married and have babies and I'll be there and help them and keep writing my novels. That sounds good. But that is fear of the unknown and it has no place in my life with Jesus in my heart.

There is a unique balance to be struck between praying boldly and expectantly for the future, while living a God-honoring life in the present--with arms wide open to embrace whatever He brings me every moment. The future is at once exciting and nerve wracking, and during this season of singleness, one huge fault of mine the Lord's been so faithful to forgive and grow my heart out of, is that of being a control freak. I have to surrender my high ideals and incredibly detailed daydreams of what exactly my future as a wife and mother will look like because God's will is infinitely greater and better.

To my future husband:
I just haven't met you yet. And that's okay. I know it probably won't be in some marvelous serendipitous Hallmark movie way. I don't know how God's going to call me way out of my comfort zone for that time when we do first meet. Heck--I won't even know that you're The One when we do meet! One thing I do know is that He who is faithful and just to forgive, the Author and Finisher of our faith, will begin our story in such a way that everyone who knows us will see the His grace and perfect plan.

Words, history, and grace color my days here in The Burgh where I seek out the perfect coffee and red lipstick.

1 comment:

Pull up a chair, grab a cup of something hot or cold to drink, and enjoy. I love making new friends!