February 28, 2015

When the Words Don't Come

It's not a necessarily "dry" season...much as I hate it I've cried more than I like to admit in the last month. But the words just won't come. They don't come. But perhaps it's me not letting them.
Because they're far from perfect. They're far from, "God is good all the time and life may be tough but I'm happy."

My fiction I haven't touched in far too long. And I miss it but I just don't feel it some days. I miss the characters, miss my excitement I had for the story...but I know if I try writing I'll fail miserably.

Not fail at writing--after all no one writes a perfect first draft. *drives that nail deeper into brain*
I fail my expectations. I compare. I worry about how much revising I'll have to do.
And I'm worn and distracted right now.

But I know when the words don't come that typically that's exactly when I need to let them out.

When the words don't come I grow frustrated. Restless. Anxious. Angry. Bummed. Then I'm tempted to throw in the towel and just not write. But I can't. If I'm not writing, I'm thinking about writing. My characters. This blog I do love so much. All the stories I have yet to write that come in blips and waves.

When the words don't come especially when I have a rare stretch of time to write, I have a choice. To write, to try hard and write a crummy first draft, or to not bother trying since I'm not in an "ideal" frame of mind/heart.

When the words don't come I wonder what's wrong with me and think of the countless other writers I know who are wives and mothers and homeschoolers and who have less time than I do but who are so successful and amazing and still real. I shake in my boots and wonder if I'm a poser; I have only completed two novels and am struggling with a sequel. And I call myself a writer.

When the words don't come they swirl around in my head in ridiculous circles and questions and wondering...when I really should be shutting my mental mouth and hiding in the shadow of the Almighty. Letting Him comfort me and letting Him be my words and identity.

"He who dwells in the secret place of the Most High
Shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty.
I will say of the Lord, “He is my refuge and my fortress;
My God, in Him I will trust...”
God speaks here:
“Because he has set his love upon Me, therefore I will deliver him;
I will set him on high, because he has known My name.
He shall call upon Me, and I will answer him;
I will be with him in trouble;
I will deliver him and honor him.
With long life I will satisfy him,
And show him My salvation.
Ps. 91 1&2,14-16