November 12, 2015

Tomorrow is another day

Via Tumblr

So NaNoWriMo is swimming along and I am genuinely happy and a little excited (through my exhaustion) with where my story's going. I'm holding loosely to 50K in a month but just in the first twelve days I've written over 13K. Clearly behind with NaNo, but hey. 13,000 words A Rose Long Awaited didn't have before. I have moments of head-desking like above...or just wanting to throw my laptop across a room until I remember it's a Mac and that'd be bad

I've never really been a spontaneous or flighty person. I literally won a responsibility award in (home) school one year. I do not kid. But maybe it's the emerging from a long convalescence or the holidays and winter coming soon but I am restless as all get out. If I could physically handle it I very well may've recklessly bought a ticket to any number of places and jet off. Or I would've (less recklessly/more realistically) booked a room at a B&B for a night in Gettysburg and have a weekend to myself enjoying the autumn in my favorite city on earth.

But this is reality, and I can't. And reality is good and full and so overwhelmingly blessed right now. But some days--it's just hard to remember all that. I can look back over the past few months, be humbled and touched and want to cry for the sheer goodness of God one minute...I can look forward with anticipation to how God will move and provide for the future...

And in the present I want to throw up my hands and just way, "Why?!" Wonder why there's nothing new at all, no news, nothing changed as I regain normalcy and independence. Oh yeah, that's new. Impatience and self-reliancy are two huge over-arching things that trip me up especially as I get back to normal, working through therapy, getting reacclimatized (yes, that is a word, people) back to work and all returns to...normal. I enjoy the stability and responsibility and resent it in turn. The heart's a fickle creature. 

The Inkpen Authoress and my favorite Rachel heart-sister/accountability partner sent me a really great quote though that really caught my heart in a net of conviction, for especially today, but everyday.

We habitually stand in our now and look back
by faith to see the past filled with God.
We look forward and see Him inhabiting our future;
But our now is uninhabited except for ourselves.
Thus we are guilty of a kind of atheism which leaves
Us alone in the universe while, for the time, God is not.
A. W. Tozer

This Northern Belle is literally pulling a Scarlett O'Hara and proclaiming that tomorrow is another day. With new mercies. Just like the countless mercies today. Just as the ever-sustaining, cannot increase or decrease, grace that finds me in the messy moments, the frustrated moments and the truly helpless moments.
Great is God's faithfulness.
Especially in The Now