Heart Wounds in Life

I write this in retrospect about two events. My secondary infection two weeks after my right hip surgery in July as well as learning on December 11th that due to this infection, my hip was coming up and out of the socket, making July's surgery null and void.
via Pinterest
I call to mind a book not read in years, but a classic--one that has made its imprint on my heart from a young age. Pilgrim's Progress. The voyager through out the story, Christian, gets stuck in the slough of despond due to the immense weight and guilt of his sins in a burden on his back. Later on, after his burden has been removed--rolled away into the tomb--he ends up at Doubting Castle where there lives a Giant of Despair.
My most recent and perhaps to date longest stay at Doubting Castle--despite having my sins cleansed, burden removed once and for all--was just last month. Have you ever found yourself in your own Doubting Castle?
Where everything seems hopeless even though you know your salvation is sure. You know all the right things to say when people ask how you're doing after a recent atomic bomb of a curveball life's thrown at you. You even know the right Scriptures, too. In your head. But getting them from your head to your heart when your heart is struggling to stand amidst a huge disappointment, quaking doubt and a sudden dark future now that so much has been ripped away...
Getting truth from head to heart is just hard some days.
But it is necessary. So the wounds life has dealt us seemingly out of nowhere will not fester into bitterness and depression and we stubbornly turn away from the One who is always near, always faithful and strong enough to uphold us when we finally let the suppressed grief, pain, anguish and WHY, Lord? burst forth.
My second surgery was an irrigation and debridement of my original surgical site. They opened it back up, dug and scraped down to the bone to clean it out and rid my body of the infection that had developed. Then they used saline ( I think ) to rinse and clean it before they sewed me back up.
Afterward, a steady stream of antibiotics through my bloodstream further ensured the infection would not return.
Say I had been stubborn and refused the second surgery, not wanting to go under the knife again, another hospital stay. It very well could have killed me.
You may read this and go, "Of course it could have killed you! That would've been foolish."
Same thing as continually turning away, even subconsciously, retreating inward into our pain, never looking up to the One Who who ordains every little thing, who knows every hair on your head, who knows every single teardrop you've shed.
Turn your eyes upon Jesus and the things swirling around you threatening to pull you into Doubting Castle where the Giant of Despair lives will grow strangely dim. But it takes consistency--we have choices to either shut out the Maker of the Stars and Great Physician, or fling ourselves on His grace and comfort to heal all our wounds from the inside, out.

This I recall to mind. Therefore I have hope.
Through the Lord's mercies we are not consumed, because His compassions fail not. They are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness. "The Lord is my portion," says my soul, "Therefore I hope in Him!"

Lamentations 3:21-24
Meghan M. Gorecki
Meghan M. Gorecki

Words, history, and grace color my days here in The Burgh where I seek out the perfect coffee and red lipstick.