June 7, 2016

Life & Hips & Perspective, Oh My

Until I'm the bionic woman.
This time next week my left hip will be replaced.
Not gonna lie. Currently rather stress-paralyzed about it (as evidenced above) not to mention a ton of other crap stuff that's been going on.
A lot of good, a good deal of hard.
It's been a long almost-year.
But after next Tuesday, please God!, I won't have to have another surgery for years. This very well may be my last major-major surgery for quite some time.
And I am SO ready.
I don't know why, but the last thing on my mind is that for the first time in twelve years I'll soon be pain free. Soon as in 2-3 months from now.
I still can't wrap my mind around it.
**
I got to hold one-month-old twins today. Got my baby fix for sure.
They were darling--such peanuts.
Their amazing mama took one from me so I could stand and help her get the car seats into the car. I couldn't stand up from the couch holding the 9lb baby because I needed both hands/arms to brace myself to stand up from the couch.
And it hit me.
My as-yet-unfulfilled dream(s) of being a (wife and) mother will one day, all in God's perfect albeit sometimes frustrating timing, be painfree. I won't need to worry about hurting myself or the pain I'd be in getting up and down off the floor with children or (for a while at least) have to carefully measure out my energy and take into account my pain level to take care of my future home. Because this chronic pain will be a recent memory.
(source)
All of that is super far out I know and there are nearer huge differences in my life I'll be seeing soon (again--can't wrap my head around them yet). But my shaky faith and stubborn doubts were blown over when I realized all this.
All God.
All. HIM.
Every step of this. From diagnosis of severe bilateral hip dysplasia at age eleven to now--soon to be four major surgeries in a calendar year. All God. He who has brought me safe thus far, by grace will lead me home. Yes, fulfilling dreams as He alone unfolds my future--but ever nearer to Him. 
And that's it. No book contract, no guy, new hips or not--whatever the rest of my life holds I must continually fight to rest in Him. To uncurl my fists, practice what I "preach", and let go and let Him.
Because He is good. And His love runs deeper than the ocean I miss so much. All-encompassing over every dream, every heartache, and especially every single little word I write.